Sonic Adventure 2:Battle edited
by uhyeahitsteamdark
Summary: A parody of Sonic Adventure 2. I know there are a few others, but hey, people asked me to type this. Not very funny at first, but definitely gets there. Chapter 2 added.
1. Chapter 1

**Before I start writing this (oneshot) story, I'd like to say that I'm aware there are at least two other SA2B stories, but people have encouraged me to write this, so I'm going to. I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog.**

Eggman was walking in his "Egg Walker," trying to find something darkly mysterious.

"I wonder where my grandfather's top secret chocolate bar is!" Eggman said to himself. "Or at least I think that's what it is..."

A load of doors immediately slammed shut, but Prison Island was intelligent so they had left a rocket missile just in case Eggman couldn't get through and steal their whatever.

The missile was launched and the doors went aloft through the air. Eggman followed until he got to a colossal room. He went up to a giant capsule, where there were letters and a monitor. Onscreen it said, "ENTER PASSWORD." Next to it there was a slip of paper that said "Password: Maria" on it.

"I wonder what I do...this tip that says 'Password: Maria' on it couldn't be relevant...wait! That must be the password!" He entered the word and the capsule elevated, and then an entrance was revealed. It opened, revealing an obviously black and red hedgehog that in no way could've been Sonic.

"That must be Sonic!" shouted the genius.

The hedgehog ignored this comment. He jumped down onto the ground. He was carrying a juice box in one hand, but he didn't seem to notice. "My name is Shadow," he said. He looked in his hand. "M-my juice box!" Shadow exclaimed.

**Flashback**

_Warriors all surrounded Shadow and Maria. Maria locked Shadow up in a capsule._

_"No!" said Shadow._

_"Just...take this," said Maria, handing him a juice box._

_"Sweet! I'm not sad anymore!" But the capsule was launched forward into space...and then it exploded._

_"Oops...I forgot to change modes," regretted Maria. "REDO!" _

_The screen flashed. "Sweet! I'm not sad anymore!" Maria pressed the button that said "Directly to earth." The capsule was launched all the way to earth._

**End Flashback**

Shadow took a sip of his juice box. "For giving me back my treasure...I will grant you one wish."

An alarm went of. "Ugh...what now?" Eggman said, irritated. A robot burst in through the wall and a red scanner shifted, then rested on Shadow.

"FREEZE!" The guard robot exclaimed. "Underage drinking is illegal!"

"First of all," Shadow snarled, "this is a juice box. Second, I'm fifty-six years old!"

"Yeah, that's what all the young ones think," the guard robot said, chuckling somehow.

"Behold...the true power I possess," said Shadow. "CHAOS CONTROL!" A flash emerged and vanished just as quickly. Eggman didn't see how retreating with some special ability was a manly thing at all, but he guessed Shadow had his reasons.

A few moments later, Shadow appeared in the exact same place he vanished from. "Chaos Control sure comes in handy! Oh..." he added, catching sight of the guard robot, realizing that he hadn't gone anywhere.

Eggman watched as Shadow ran by to some corner, and the robot was behind. He took out a cookie and ate it, but when he was about to eat one chocolate chip, the robot flew over him, causing a bunch of dirt to land on the chocolate chip. "Worthless," he muttered. He chucked the chocolate chip somewhere.

While Shadow was cowering in some corner, the robot was gaining up to him. Meanwhile, Eggman's chocolate chip went and bounced off some wall, directing it in an opposite way. It bounced against a pipe, causing one half to fall. Watts appeared in front of the pipe, then a strange orange liquid that looked similar to lava shot out of the pipe. It then hit the robot in the back, causing it to begin melting, and flew around accompanied by sparks, into a wall.

"Woah..." said Shadow, no longer afraid. "I'm so awesome...that robot was so easy..."

"Defeating that robot all by yourself and with absolutely no help from me was spectacular!" said Eggman, shocked.

"What can I say? I rule."

"Yes...but what did you mean when you said you would grant me one wish?"

"I meant that you don't even get to choose your own wish and that it may or may not be useful to you. I'm getting Chaos Emeralds."

Eggman thought this was selfish at first, but if it was involved with Chaos Emeralds, it must have something to do with power, and if shared then Eggman could destroy the earth.

"Just meet me on the Space Colony ARK," Shadow finished.

"ARK?" Eggman exclaimed. But Shadow had already left.

In some desert...

"Give me the emerald!" shouted Rouge.

"Look...even though you just randomly appeared in the series with no background and I'm not sure why the emerald is in the desert, I'm willing to give it to you because I'm tired of this job."

"Give it to me!" Rouge tried to reason, apparently not getting the message that Knuckles wanted her to have it.

"You can have it," said Knuckles.

"What's the point in stealing stuff if no one puts up a fight?" Rouge whined.

"I don't know."

"GIVE IT TO ME!" Rouge screeched, causing Knuckles to jump up in the air. There was a loud thud when he landed.

Eggman hovered over and a claw reached down, grabbing the Master Emerald and pulling it up.

"Hey! That's mine!" Rouge said. With the extra weight, Eggman's machine started to backfire and fire all over the place.

"Anyway," said Knuckles.

Rouge already forgot that Eggman had stolen the Master Emerald. "GIVE IT TO ME!" she screamed. Knuckles yelped and jumped again, only this time, he ironically jumped right as Eggman was flying over, causing his fist to make contact with the emerald. Shards flew everywhere.

"NO!" screamed Rouge.

"Aw," Eggman complained. "But it's so sparkly!" Eggman's eyes grew huge.

"It's weird when he gets like that," said Knuckles, glaring. Eggman flew off to some seemingly inconspicuous pyramid, while Rouge once again forgot the emerald was no longer among them.

"Give it to me!" Rouge yelled. Knuckles jumped again.

Eggman was walking into some room in his pyramid. He turned a TV on and Shadow was revealed onscreen, smirking.

A lady was talking through voice-over. "The underage drinker," she started.

"I am _not _underage!" Shadow interrupted. "AND IT'S A JUICEBOX!"

The lady continued. "The only thing that was stolen was a--"

"A CHAOS EMERALD!" Eggman shouted.

"Yes, a Chaos Emerald."

Eggman was surprised, even though Shadow said he was getting Chaos Emeralds. Eggman looked at the Chaos Emerald in his hand. "A Chaos...Emerald..." he said.

"Yes, I believe I've said this," said the lady. She reached out of the TV, slapped Eggman, and flew back in. "Tune in next time for what Bob the farmer is wearing to the concert!" She seemed overexcited about this.

Meanwhile, Shadow ground down some random rail.

A helicopter was flying through the air. Inside, the police had Sonic captured. He was currently doing target practice to improve his behavior.

"How does this improve my behavior?" Sonic questioned. "Oh well." He dashed and jumped at a target, but hit it with such force he flew out of the helicopter. "Oh no!" He then clutched on to something on the helicopter.

"Stop trying to escape!" the police screamed.

"You painted the target on a door, stupid!" Sonic yelped. "I'm just trying to live!"

"Yeah, target practice this!" said one police officer, using very incoherent verb choice. The other officers frowned at his stupidity.

The stupid one threw two objects, which ended up being magnets. The attached to Sonic's shoes. One officer slapped his own forehead.

"Help me!" screamed Sonic. "I'll spend an eternity in Prison Island! Anything! I don't care! JUST LET ME LIVE!"

He grabbed onto a bar with one hand, and banged on the helicopter with his other. The force caused a piece of the helicopter to fly off and plummet. It was metal. Sonic shook violently, and the magnets on his shoes dragged him down to his board and resumed screaming as he fell down.

"He's only faking it!" the stupid officer reassured. "Those insists on sending him to jail were fake! He knew he would live the whole time! We have to find him!"

Another officer slapped him. "We will find him...we will..."

Sonic finally landed on the ground and started boarding down. Eventually when he flew over a certain not described part, the speed-ups attracted the metal board and the magnets on Sonic's shoes. He then ran away normally.

He somersaulted through a "tight spot," as Omochao would say like a complete pervert, and suddenly a truck appeared and started driving after him. Soon, they were about to hit a wall.

The stupid police officer was the driver. "I will not give up, even though there's no way I can catch this hedgehog if there's a wall thing right in front of us!"

Sonic ran under it and the truck hit the wall thing.

Sonic waited in a parking zone all day. When night fell, Sonic said, "This is boring. I'm leaving." Conveniently, this was the time the robot fell.

"Look who finally decided to show up," said Sonic.

Sonic jumped and spun into a ball, colliding into the robot. It shut down instantly and fell into an awkward position.

Shadow was still running down the highway. He saw a broken down robot and jumped up on it.

Sonic looked at the hedgehog.

"It all starts with this...the ultimate power," said Shadow, holding an object.

"That's a juice box," Sonic pointed out.

"Oh--right," said Shadow. He slurped the rest down and shoved it away somewhere, and then he pulled out a Chaos Emerald.

"Hey, that's a Chaos Emerald!" said our favorite hero, quick to catch on to things as usual.

Shadow flipped the Chaos emerald a quarter of an inch up in the air and caught it again, assuring himself that this was true talent. Sonic gasped.

"The military must have mistaken--"

"Yeah, I know, this was all part of my evil plan, so stop trying to explain it to me." Shadow gingerly climbed down from the robot, walked to a building and grabbed on to a brick. A few hours later, he had gotten to the top.

Sonic gasped again. "Wow, you're fast! You must've been using the Chaos Emerald to warp!"

Shadow narrowed his eyes. "I prefer being locked up in a capsule..." He warped away.

The police showed up now. The timing impressed Sonic. Amy and Tails were watching TV in their houses, and when they saw what happened they went off to go find Sonic.

Shadow was standing in front of a giant cannon with seven small slots and one enormous slot.

Eggman walked in the room in his machine.

"I've been waiting for you, doctor," said Shadow the impatient hedgehog, who couldn't have been waiting for longer than three seconds.

"Why did my grandfather make the ultimate life form a hedgehog? Anyway...Explain!"

Shadow began. "With the seven Chaos Emeralds, this cannon can fire a large beam, and it has good graphics so it's really cool. But you see that's not the point. It can destroy an entire planet!"

"We get to take over Pluto!" said Eggman, excitedly.

"That wouldn't be my first choice," said Shadow.

"Oh...right..."

Shadow picked up the emerald he stole and accurately threw it in a slot. Eggman went right up to the slot and tried to place the emerald in but it slipped out of his uncoordinated hands.

"Give me that!" snapped Shadow, snatching the emerald out of his hands. "Makes me wonder how you build robots..." He chucked the emerald in the slot.

Rouge suddenly fell from the ceiling and on the floor.

"What are you doing here?" Eggman demanded forcefully.

"I was spent to secretly spy on you. Don't tell anyone, especially not yourselves!"

"Don't worry, I won't." said Eggman in a whispering tone. Shadow took no notice of the previous event.

"I can help you!" said Rouge.

"But how do we know you're not some sort of spy?" said Eggman, trying to sound genius.

Rouge took an emerald out of nowhere and threw it in an emerald slot. "That enough proof?" she said.

"No." Said Eggman, promptly.

"Yes it is," said Shadow. "Come on, let's go find the rest of the Chaos Emeralds!"

"I know where they are!" said Rouge. "I work for the government. They're on earth!"

On Prison Island...

"Why didn't you tell me they were on earth?" Eggman boomed. "This isn't my idea of a vacation."

Rouge glared.

"Either way...I'll go distract the military, and Shadow will plant a bomb somewhere because I like blowing stuff up."

"No I won't," growled Shadow.

"Yeah you will. Anyway, Rouge will steal the three Chaos Emeralds inside the military base. Don't let me down!"

Eggman marched off somewhere. He went around shooting stuff, and then found Amy Rose and for some reason Shadow in the distance. Amy went up and hugged Shadow, thinking it was Sonic.

"How can you possibly think that's Sonic?" Eggman said, marching towards Amy, who took notice that she was hugging a stranger. She told Shadow that he wasn't Sonic as if this information was new to him, and then she ran away from Eggman.

Tails was flying in the Tornado two, talking to himself, when he caught sight of Amy on Prison Island, who had miraculously swam there faster than Tails' plane could fly there.

"Oh no! Eggman's stalking Amy!" said Tails. "That's gross! I'll save her from that middle-aged sudden romanticist!" His machine transformed into something possibly even worse as SEGA ran out of ideas for machines.

The machine landed in front of Amy. He shot at Eggman as Eggman stared blankly until he realized his machine had fell down.

"Next time, you won't get so lucky!" said Eggman, walking away with some help because technology was so advanced, Eggman didn't even want to walk anymore.

"Tails, you rescued me!" said Amy. "But what are you doing here on this island?"

"That's the question I should be asking. But I'm not because I already know you're here because you want to rescue Sonic, and I'm here because I knew you were gonna make an unsuccessful attempt. And Eggman's probably here because he wants to destroy the world, and robots are here because GUN placed them here, and trees are here because they grow, and that thing's there because every place has weird things, and--"

"Okay," Amy interrupted. "Let's just go rescue Sonic."

"You stay here, while I go rescue Sonic! I'm going to--" Tails went into a huge explanation of what he was going to do and where he was going.

"Tails, where are you going!" Amy asked stupidly as Tails walked off. "Wait for me! I wanna help Sonic too!" And so Amy ran after Tails, but was somehow too slow to catch up with the third slowest thing in the world, next to Chaos and Eggman, which was Tails' machine. She allowed a dramatic effect as she faked being knocked out.

Rouge was in a government building. Eggman was on the walkie-talkie.

"Shadow! Set the timer for fifteen minutes! Rouge, find those emeralds!"

"Five minutes should be plenty," said Rouge, risking her life.

"How about six?"

"Seven and that's final!"

"Okay, that works."

Rouge ran off and glided across some random part. She broke through a wall and collected a Chaos Emerald. A robot flew after her and she dashed away and climbed up a wall. She jumped off and aimed her foot at the robot, then spun around like a drill and flew through the robot. A Chaos Emerald flew out of it. She stole the Chaos Emerald and flew off searching.

Sonic was walking around in his jail cell having a grand ol' time, until Amy dropped from the sky.

Amy came in. "If you marry me, I'll set you free!"

"No."

"Okay." Amy unlocked the cell anyway and Sonic came out. "There's a hedgehog that looks just like you only much different," Amy said and sighed.

"You mean that fake hedgehog?"

"You mean that black hedgehog?"

"I'M ASKING YOU, AMY!"

"Oh...yeah, he came here with Eggman."

"So Tails is all behind this," said Sonic, putting his clues together.

"Uh...no," said Amy, puzzled.

"So it must be Eggman!" said Sonic, promptly.

"What are all these writings on the wall? Did you write these? Or did I?"

"Professor Ger--" started Omochao, but Amy knocked him away with her hammer.

Rouge grabbed onto a handle, causing her to go flying up. She grabbed hold of a safe and burrowed in, opening the safe. She grabbed the Chaos Emerald, and took off into some random room. Then, a large flying robot came in. There were fences set up on either side of the room to make sure Rouge could defeat him.

"They certainly have a variety of robots," said Rouge, sarcastically.

Rouge climbed up a fence and flew to the ceiling, and spun into drill kick position, tearing the robot's armor off. By the time she had defeated the robot, the room was locked down.

Somewhere in the forest, Shadow was walking along holding his walkie-talkie, waiting for the island to blow up. Rouge's voice was heard through it.

"Shadow! I'm trapped inside this building with the Chaos Emeralds and it's about to blow up! I bet you didn't know that! I'm ashamed to call myself a treasure hunter..."

"Shoot! Troublemaker..." said Shadow. The ground shook and Shadow was launched into the air, until he landed on a random vine. He saw Sonic drop down from nowhere onto the ground.

Shadow jumped down onto the grass.

"I'll make you eat those words!" Sonic threatened, though Shadow had said nothing.

"Fine by me, faker!" The two continued to use terrible comebacks until Sonic decided to run at Shadow, who did nothing. When Sonic stepped on a sensitive area of ground, he was hurled into the water. He shook his arms and gasped for breath for thirty seconds until he realized he was in shallow water. He used the remainder of his energy to climb ashore. Then, for no reason, Shadow started breathing heavily and they both stared at each other.

"Shadow? What are you doing?" said Eggman's voice from Shadow's walkie-talkie. "Get off this island before it blows up with you on it!"

"Blows up?" Sonic repeated nervously. He ran off somewhere.

Shadow went into a building and warped Rouge and her Chaos Emeralds away.

Now, the outside of the island was shown. Explosions emerged everywhere, and the whole island was annihilated as Tails along with Sonic and Amy were seen flying out on his Tornado.

Shadow was staring out the window at the space colony, ARK, and Maria's face appeared. Shadow picked up a rock that he somehow found in space and threw it at the window. Maria began to laugh maniacally. Shadow left for another window, where Rouge was.

"Back there...you saved me," said Rouge.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," said Shadow. "But at least we got the Chaos Emeralds, right?"

He threw them somewhere and they landed in the slots of the Eclipse Cannon, while Eggman still wasn't able to get them close up.

"All right, everything's ready!" said Eggman coming through a door. "Time to make a useless threat that no one will pay attention to!"

"But we only have six out of the seven Chaos Emeralds, you know," Rouge said.

"That's more than enough for the demonstration...so let's get this show on the road!" said Shadow. "Peace out, man..."

On some street where there were bound to have policemen, Eggman setup his wide screen TV's and began to announce something. TV's were turning on revealing Eggman's baby picture. The crowd gasped.

"Sorry you had to see that," Eggman muttered. Now something far worse showed up...Eggman. "There, that's better." Most of the crowd members disagreed, but they were listening intently, if you mean closing half of their ears and looking away from the disturbance.

While Eggman began to ramble on and on about destroying the world, far more important unnamed humans were playing games. A bird flew by them, and they put a helmet over it to see what happened. It flew up even under the helmet's weight.

Part of ARK broke off, and it revealed Eggman's face with what looked to be whiskers on it. The crowd gasped in horror. A green laser shot out of it and at the moon, but when it hit absolutely nothing happened. A few seconds later, a miniscule bird with a helmet on it landed on the moon, causing the colossal force to blow half of the moon off. Since the crowd didn't see the bird, they thought the moon was just having late reflexes from the cannon, not understanding the laws of physics in the least bit.

Sonic, Tails, and Amy were standing around looking at the moon.

"Look at the moon!" Sonic would shriek every six seconds. "Half of it's missing!"

A few minutes later, Amy said, "I'll bet Eggman did that!"

The others decided that when they had a plan they would just abandon Amy for not making observations that should have been made long ago.

"But what kind of power could've done that?" wondered Sonic obliviously. "Tails?" he added, catching sight of Tails.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Oh, okay." There was a pause. "Tails?" Sonic repeated, catching sight of Tails holding a Chaos Emerald. "Where'd you get that?"

"All I remember is that I got it a long time ago and it could've been used in far more life-threatening situations but I decided to show it to you now," announced Tails, proudly.

"Thanks, I guess," said Sonic.

"We can use this to find the other Chaos Emeralds, which, according to my calculations, a guy that sleeps under a pile of sticks near a garbage can outside the grocery store has, or _EGGMAN!_"

"Good, let's go with the first option," said Sonic.

The police officers were heard in the background. "FREEZE! THE THREE OF YOU, PUT YOUR HANDS UP WHILE WE SHOOT YOU...IT WON'T HURT A BIT, TRUST ME..."

"Tails, I'll handle the police while you find a way out of here!" Sonic and Tails marched off.

"Wait! He said 'the three of you...' that means me too!"

"No, I was talking about this rock," said a police officer, holding up a rock.

Amy dashed off after Tails, but the police officer called out to her, "that fox is dangerous!"

"Danger is my middle name," said Amy, smirking, knowing that Tails was even less dangerous than the police officer's rock.

Eggman began shutting screens crazily and started sliding places.

"What's up?" questioned Rouge.

"Where on earth have you been?" growled Eggman.

"Nowhere...we've been in space," said Rouge. "And on Prison Island. You told us to go there, what's wrong with that?"

"You were there too long...well, at least you got the Chaos Emeralds...But bat girl, you forgot about our deal. Where's that last emerald, eh?"

"Here you go! I found this!" She handed him a newspaper that must've gotten stuck to Eggman's laundry when he came back up to ARK. He read it aloud about how Tails was awarded the Emerald for beating Eggman to a dud missile and then defeating him as the Egg Walker.

"Well that makes things a whole lot easier!" said Eggman. "Tails is even less dangerous than a police officer's rock! Shadow, Rouge, I want you to go back to earth and find him while I sit here and watch TV! I have Satellite without pay and with all the greatest channels considering this TV is in space!"

Shadow and Rouge stalked off.

Tails was in a car ignoring Amy who was continuously whining about something or other. Tails was on the walkie-talkie with Sonic.

"Sheesh! There always seems to be a lot of police officers around when you don't need 'em...or when you do, for that matter..."

"Sonic, I can't get a signal. Eggman must've taken them into outer space even though we should've known this to begin with since he launched something at the moon. The only way to find out exactly where he is, though how many buildings are actually in space, I'm not sure of, is to find the president and scan some random card I found at the grocery store in his vehicle, that way I can find him and destroy him!" Tails took a deep breath.

Knuckles came up from a lid pipe. Amy screamed and slapped the lid against the manhole. There was a banging sound and a yelp. Knuckles climbed back up and looked at Amy furiously.

"So we'll meet up there, all right?" said Tails, oblivious to the fact Knuckles had just came up. He drove off, knocking Knuckles back down the sewer pipe.

In the president's limousine, Sonic and Tails suddenly fell through the roof. They ignored the president's demands about asking them why they were there, when they found that Eggman was in the Space Colony ARK. Who would've known?

They jumped out and the president began screaming, while his agent was unabashed by the fact that two rodents had just infiltrated their vehicle. She reminded him about something no one cares about.

On the road, Sonic and Tails were about to head off when they heard Knuckles and Amy catching up.

"Hey, Sonic!" Said Knuckles. "I can help!"

"Me too!" Amy insisted.

Sonic was slightly skeptical on the second offer. "How?"

"I saw the bat girl and Eggman go into a pyramid in the desert," said Knuckles.

"Me too," said Amy who was more than likely lying.

"Let's ride the Tornado there, and we'll get there in--" began Tails.

"NO!" Sonic and Amy interrupted simultaneously.

"The last time was crammed, and now we have Knuckles!" Sonic pointed out. "I'll meet you there." Sonic grabbed Amy's and Knuckles' arms and sped off. Tails got in his car and it transformed into a plane. It took off.

"Hmm..." said Tails. "It feels like I'm being followed..."

Following Tails' plane was Rouge's car, slightly behind. She told Shadow the good news.

Shadow, who had somehow appeared on a ledge near the sky, watched the plane come closer and closer to Eggman's base.

"Doctor, they're heading away from us," said Shadow.

"No, they're coming towards us," said the Doctor over the walkie-talkie.

"How do you know?"

"Never mind. Sonic and his little friends are definitely in for a surprise..."

"No, they're going to be completely suspecting. Let me guess, you've built a _robot_."

Eggman gasped. "How did you know that?"

Tails landed on the ground near the pyramid, shortly followed by Sonic, Knuckles and Amy.

"Is that the one?" said Sonic, specifically pointing to a whole group of pyramids where it could've been any of those.

"That doesn't help," said Knuckles.

"Well, it certainly can't be the one with Eggman's giant head on it, so which one is it?"

All glared at Amy.

Near the pyramid, Tails, in his machine, walked over. "I'll go and find the entrance!"

All the sudden a huge wall fell down and the entrance to the inside of the pyramid was revealed.

"Uh...I found it!" said Tails.

Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy all ran inside until they got to a locked door.

"Knuckles, find the keys," Sonic demanded.

"Do I have to?"

After Sonic was done reprimanding Knuckles, the red echidna set off to find the keys. Six hours later, everyone got extremely bored.

"Knuckles, just come back," said Sonic. "I'll unlock it..." He went and climbed up a ways, grabbed the three keys on top of the door and unlocked it. Knuckles growled furiously trying to hold his anger in, along with Tails and Amy.

Knuckles couldn't take it anymore. "WHEN'D YOU FIND THESE?" he yelled.

"About twenty minutes after you started searching," said Sonic simply. Knuckles gave him a blank look.

"Well, the door's unlocked, and that's what matters, and even though it's been several hours, the rocket still hasn't lifted off."

"It's about time you found them," said Eggman entering the room.

"Eggman!" gasped Tails.

"Yes, yes, stop throwing me an entrance celebration," said Eggman, annoyed.

All the sudden a huge rock like object emerged from the quicksand.

"Oh, no!" said Sonic.

"I've got an idea!" said Tails. "Quick! Let's all enter the rocket while Sonic fights him!"

They all nodded except Sonic and entered the rocket. Sonic jumped up and defied the laws of gravity, then kicked the button conveniently placed on top of the golem's head.

It spun around and aimed at Eggman, who shot at it until three parts of the wiring were revealed. He shot them and Egg Golem sunk into the quicksand.

Sonic ran on a ledge and into the rocket, which lifted off at the count of seven for some reason.

In outer space, the rocket was flying around. There was an apple in the front seat. Knuckles' eyes bulged out and he darted for the apple, but accidentally pressed a button causing the back of the rocket to open, eliciting many emerald shards. Knuckles shrieked as he sat on Sonic, trying to find the apple. He yelled loudly when it flew out the window. He jumped out the window and looked after it.

Sonic, Tails and Amy glared.

"Don't touch that button!" Sonic suddenly roared, even though he was the one with his finger nearing the red button. "TAILS, DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!"

Tails looked confused.

Sonic pushed the red button causing the rocket to swerve chaotically, while Amy wondered why they had placed it in the rocket to begin with. "Okay, that's it," growled Sonic. He tore the steering wheel off and started attacking Tails with it. Tails yelped in pain as Sonic chucked it at Tails' head.

He turned triumphantly just to see that his steering wheel was gone. He turned back around to see it on Tails' head. Sonic clenched his fists. "Tails...you press a deadly button that's causing us to crash in a few minutes...and then you stole the steering wheel which was our _only way _to get to safety! YOU IDIOT!"

Tails glared, though it was impossible to see since there was a steering wheel on his head. He shook nervously and wondered if Sonic was sober.

There was suddenly a crash and our heroes...and Amy were nowhere to be seen.

Rouge was somewhere in space looking at a screen. "What? What do you mean they got away? You want me to find them?"

"Rouge, I didn't even say anything," muttered Eggman, confused. "But yeah, that's what I want you to do. Find them!"

"Also, can you tell me the password for this thing I'm looking at? Thanks!" she added, not giving Eggman a chance to respond. She somehow found out the password and typed it in. "Tricking that doctor is just too easy," chuckled Rouge.

Rouge went into a transporter and...got transported.

She climbed up something above lava when suddenly an apple hit her in the face.

"Give it back!" threatened a voice. She turned to see a monkey. The monkey tore off its costume to reveal Knuckles.

"Knuckles!" Rouge shouted. "Give me your Master Emerald!" She ran off and tripped, falling off.

"N-no!" Knuckled stuttered. He jumped down and headed towards Rouge slowly, and he reached his hand and grabbed the apple. "Okay, later Rouge." He glided to a pole and climbed back up. Rouge suddenly remembered she could fly so she did so to get back up.

Knuckles munched on the apple.

"Give me the Master Emerald!" Rouge screamed again. She threw something at Knuckles, which ended up being most of the pieces of the Master Emerald. "No!" she screamed. "Such stealth!"

Knuckles threw his pieces forward and it combined into the whole Master Emerald. Knuckles shrunk it, put it in his hand, put on his monkey costume and ran off. Rouge ran off somewhere too.

Back in ARK...

"I'm going somewhere!" said Eggman. "If I don't make it back alive, I'm counting on you to finish the job! If I do, can you order me some nachos? I'm off!"

Shadow stood there.

Eggman took Amy and brought her into a room, holding a gun to her head. Then Tails arrived, then Sonic.

"Eggman will never know this a fake emerald!" announced Tails loudly.

"Give me the emerald, if you want your girlfriend to live," threatened Eggman.

"Y-you're gonna kill her," said Sonic, sounding worried. "...Okay! Have fun, later." Sonic marched off.

"Wait, Sonic!" said Tails. "We still have to beat Eggman!"

"Ugh..." said Sonic. "Fine." He went up to a capsule thing and it suddenly covered itself in glass. It shot into space. Tails and Eggman laughed, while Amy cried and the bird with a helmet over its head played tic-tac-toe with a police officer's rock.

Meanwhile, Knuckles was walking around randomly. "I feel...some strange energy," he said. "I knew I shouldn't have intercepted Eggman's call with Nacho Palace..."

Suddenly, Sonic appeared out of nowhere.

"Why is there a monkey in space?" catching sight of Knuckles in his monkey suit.

"Sonic, it's me!" said Knuckles.

"Oh, well can you help Tails and Amy? WAIT! I will! I got you there! Later!"

"How'd you get here?"

"Chaos Control," said Sonic.

"Sonic, I wish you the best of luck...coming from your good friend, Knuckles..."

"Oh, man, I thought it was Shadow that had the monkey suit! And I almost trusted _you _to take care of Tails and Amy!" He marched off cursing himself. Knuckles stared blankly.

Back on ARK, Tails shot at Eggman consistently. Okay, now back to Sonic.

Sonic was walking along the path, when suddenly Shadow came back from behind him.

"You never cease to amaze me, blue hedgehog..." said Shadow.

"Hey, it's my best friend!" said Sonic.

"No, it's not. I'll tear you to shreds!" Suddenly, Shadow vanished.

"Sonic, we did it..." said Tails, sadly.

"Hey, great job!"

"Sonic!"

"Look outside!" The cannon opened and something blew up. Eggman grabbed Tails' emerald and left. He put the last one in the cannon..._accurately._

There were several gasps from the aliens in ARK.

"Ha, ha, ha! I will destroy the earth!"

**If you liked it, you can review me and tell me whether you want me to put in the scene where everyone helps out. If you thought it was funny, tell me, or else I won't put it up, because I'll just be wasting my time. If you want me to make a funny remix of that scene, I'll add a chapter 2.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, I'm back with Chapter 2. I hope to get more reviews this chapter.**

Sonic and Knuckles were standing and talking, when all the sudden the ground began to shake.

"Oh, no..." said Knuckles. "I really should think twice next time I want to intercept Eggman's calls with Nacho Palace..."

Rouge fell down to the ground.

"You!" shrieked Knuckles.

"That voice...so familiar."

Knuckles tore off his monkey suit and Rouge gasped, but then forgot about it two seconds later. "The ARK is about to crash towards earth at an incredible velocity because some old guy on the Sci-fi channel said it would," said Rouge, sadly. "Because of the Chaos Emeralds or something, because some blonde Mary-Sue type chick named Maria died."

"Uh...okay," said Sonic. "Anyway, so that's how I got the nickname Sock." A police officer's rock and the bird with a helmet over it clapped somehow, while Knuckles rolled his eyes.

"Sonic, you really need to stop watching **When Laundry Attacks**..."

"You guys, this is serious!" said Rouge. The old guy appeared on the TV while Amy and Tails somehow appeared downstairs.

"You guys ruined everything even though you had absolutely nothing to do with it!" shrieked the old guy. "Now you must pay!"

The earth began to shake again. "NACHO PALACE, WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME?" screamed Knuckles.

Eggman fell down, which only caused the ARK to go faster. "That's my grandfather, Gerald Robotnik. He's a genius!"

"_How _is he _still _alive?" Sonic wondered aloud.

"Now...you must pay," whispered Gerald. A huge lizard appeared somewhere. Rouge was standing by a picture of Shadow. The picture laughed, and then spit on Rouge.

"It's the spitting image of Shadow!" yelped Rouge.

"They don't look that much alike," said Gerald. "But yes...it will kill you!"

Meanwhile, in some room...

"Shadow, you must help them!" said Amy.

"Will you shut up?" argued Shadow. He ran at Amy, but she dodged, causing Shadow to fly through the wall. He saw a huge lizard, and accidentally flew onto the thing that made him invincible with incredible force. It screamed and looked for a toilet.

"Is that what...Chaos Control is?" said Shadow, as the thing warped away.

"We're the stars of this game, so let's use the Chaos Emeralds for ourselves!" suggested Sonic. The emeralds flew around him and somehow caused Shadow to turn into a more powerful form as well. When Sonic flew out, Shadow wanted him dead, so he followed.

Shadow darted at Sonic with incredible force...but Sonic dodged, causing Shadow to hit the wound and scar it severely. The lizard screamed and a bunch of blobs flew out of his mouth. Then it died.

Shadow warped to find Sonic, but little did he know Sonic had been right next to him, so he warped the ARK back to its normal position instead. "NO!" said Shadow, pulling his hair out. "I am the ultimate life form..." He fell down to earth and caught on fire.

Sonic entered and everyone looked sad that he had lived.

"Where's Shadow?" asked Rouge. "UGH! Why didn't Sonic die instead?"

"It's okay Rouge. He'll be back in Sonic Heroes," said Sonic, sadly. "You know, I don't think that game costs much anymore. Let's all go buy it."

Everyone agreed and ran out the door.

**Oh yeah, and I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog or any related characters. Sorry if the second chapter wasn't too great. Review.**


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